Dammit, I’ve ran out of letters again.  Does that sound menacing enough or is it worth flicking through these ‘Amateur Gardening’ magazines dispersed on the coffee table? ’How to get the most perfect petunias’, if I wasn’t so preoccupied with trying to write a convincing ransom note maybe I’d have a browse.  She really is a botanical enthusiast; how she has time to garden I’ll never know. Judging by the solitary mug in the cupboard, she now lives alone.

Would you look at that! A full series of David Attenborough’s documentaries, I never took her for the naturist type.  Eastern gorillas, emperor penguins, African bush elephants and only a thin, pristine plastic sealing all these magnificent creatures in.  Only £7.99, what a steal!

Somebody has been forgetting to do the housework by the dense layer of dust enveloping each and every surface, including the television, I would say around 4-6 weeks of negligence.  What has kept her so busy? I can’t imagine she goes out much; her whole fridge is dedicated to those awful microwavable meals for one.

She’s redecorated in here which is something I didn’t expect. The walls are almost embarrassed by their sore complexion and the curtains are corseted so tightly that their fabric is reluctant to respire.  A cluster of garish cushions sporting patterns of puppies and petals are reclining uncomfortably on the sofa-like structure in the middle of the room. Though resembling a sofa, its firm metal frame does not hold any relaxing qualities – I only lasted 5 minutes on the thing.

She’s taken time in hiding the box; though she’s a predictable person, I have no doubt she’s racked her brain over the perfect spot for years. I don’t want money; I just want the contents of that box.

‘Susan, Frank and Lucy at the beach 18/04/2005’ a photo with excruciatingly forced smiles, lips curled into great grins, hands barely touching waists. I remember this being taken, I protested profusely. I didn’t want to be there in the first place so I certainly didn’t want a photo to remember it by. We are all so close in this photo but ironically I’ve never felt so detached in my life.

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